Can You Detect Your Frenemies?

My definition of  a “friend” has certainly been revised over  the years after being kissed by Judas, undermined by Jacob,  foraken by Demas, defected from by John Mark and disappointed by unprincipled Barnabas.

However, I have now discovered a better term for pseudo "friendships"  which were never really authentic.


"Frenemy or Frienemy": the term is increasingly being used to describe someone who may have been a friend but has now become an enemy or is a person who disquised himself as a true friend but in reality was a personal enemy. These uncharactered types are very common in ministry circles and local church congregations. They can even appear within the family.

The first known use was in "77 but gained popularity in 2000  and was entered into Websters new words in 2009.

 " fren·e·my Pronunciation: \ˈfre-nə-mē\ :plural fren·e·mies Etymology:
 blend of friend and  enemy: one who pretends to be a friend but is actually
 an enemy"

What are the prominent traits of a true "frenemy"that I have experienced:

>a frenemy is utilitarian at heart-desiring to relate as long as it is beneficial to them

> gives backhanded compliments that undermine while giving others the
 opportunity to mock and ridicule, but makes themelves look or feel good.

>a frenemy may put up a facade but has no concern for your honor,reputation or influence

>they may have stayed with you through difficult times but are actually antagonistic behind your back

>when offended, angry or disappointed, a frenemy will  insult, attack, or defame your character to others

 >he/she will speak disapprovingly of your true friends because they remain loyal, faithful, and covenantal  in the face of your "common to man" flaws, frailties and imperfections

>;as empty chested cowards, they have a temperamental aversion to conflict and truth speaking, so they ignore biblical mandates to confront redemptively[ Matthew 18], choosing rather to backbite in order to solicit comfort from other uncharactered types.


>when caught in their sinful compromise, they point out technical fouls to divert attention from their own wrong doings


Who are your Frenemies?

Are You An Enabler Or Reprover?

Here are  good questions with the answer  by T. M. Moore in an article written for the Chuck Colson Ministry Center. I absolutely believe Pastors often choose to be enablers of the works of darkness [don't ask-don't tell]  by their parishioners because they compromisingly believe it to be  more beneficial over  having the character and  courage to reprove them.
[rgh]


" Why do you think pastors are reluctant to “correct with great asperity of zeal” the sins of their people?  Could this be related to....wanting to be loved by men more than by God?"

The Book of Pastoral Rule

Gregory the Great (ca. 540-604)

“For indeed it is the duty of a ruler to shew by the voice of preaching the glory of the supernal country, to disclose what great temptations of the old enemy are lurking in this life’s journey, and to correct with great asperity of zeal such evils among those who are under his sway as ought not to be gently borne with; lest, in being too little incensed against faults, of faults he be himself held guilty.”

There has been a drift in preaching these days away from confronting sin toward comforting and encouraging the faithful. These must go hand in hand, however; for we can give no true comfort or encouragement to those who insist on holding to their sinful ways. Unless pastors are willing to preach against sin, they will, Gregory says, bear the responsibility for all the sin that ravages the souls of their flock. Better to face sin boldly, and call for repentance, than to allow it harbor in the heart of the Church (Ps. 66:18).

http://worldviewchurch.org/index.php?option=com_acymailing&ctrl=archive&task=view&mailid=101&key=73ace81cd18f6bdd2564233fa0315e5e&sub=11774-c9045dc3ee05317dcbd3651f4e7dbd4b

The Alignment Factor

Tony Morgan shares that churches not growing or who are in decline are simply maintaining the status quo while hoping it generates different results.  Here’s his picture of a fully-aligned church with the fundamentals that produce growth.

rgh


•The primary purpose or mission of the church is established.

•A focused ministry/discipleship strategy has been established to accomplish that vision.

•All of the church’s ministries and programming are intentionally designed to fit into that strategy.

•The church is structured with staff and volunteer leaders and teams around the strategy.

•Resources like money, facilities and space on the master calendar are distributed to maximize impact rather than to maintain fairness.

•There’s a web and communications strategy in place to keep everyone focused in the same direction.

•The teaching includes life application that identifies specific next steps to engage people in a discipleship journey that mirrors the overall strategy of the church.

•Rather than celebrating when lots of people gather, the success of any special events or initiatives are measured by how they help people engage in this journey.

•The church is capturing stories and measuring data to determine if the strategy is working as intended.

http://tonymorganlive.com/2010/12/13/big-churches-getting-bigger-the-alignment-factor/